Falter

Standing on the edge, finding myself at a crossroads...it’s somewhere I don’t like to be because eventually I have to make a decision. Whatever path I take it means I’ll have to count on someone else to help me reach my goal and that means there is always a risk for things to go wrong. If I make the mistake, if the error falls only upon my shoulders I can deal with it because I know I’ll learn from the slip up and will unlikely repeat it. With others, I cannot count on that kind of guarantee it will always be a 50-50 shot at things going right and things going wrong. I hate that risk, I hate depending on others to help maintain my good reputation as a producer yet I doubt if I’d be allowed to walk my tapes from station to station at the studio in order to secure a flawless playback. If I continue my show the possibility of a compromised playback will be the risk that I will always have to face. Twice a month for as long as I continue. Do I dub to vhs and lose a generation and risk lousy sound? Do I move my show to a timeslot when someone at the studio will, maybe, answer the phone when the playback is an abomination? Do I pack it all in? If I pack it all in I won’t have to depend on anyone else. If I simply dedicate my time to producing features for Newsroom I won’t have these problems and I’ll still get the music out, maybe airing a special here and there will be all that is needed to keep my sanity. Maybe the phone will ring and the person on the other end will decide for me... hmmm...waiting...